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My Wife And Kids: Janet’s 10 Best Quotes, Ranked


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Janet Kyle aka Jay had many great quotes on the ABC sitcom My Wife And Kids. As a mother of three children, she was always the voice of reason, never hesitating to put her kids and husband in check. Her husband Michael didn’t always take too kindly to being corrected, so the two always ended up throwing shade at each other.

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Janet had plenty of flaws too, but she was always too proud to admit it. Overall, she was a charming character who always brought life to every scene that she appeared in. The character was portrayed by actress Tisha Michelle Campbell. who also played Martin’s wife Gina in the popular ’90s sitcom Martin. The following are some of her best quotes.

10 “Because You’re The Only One In This House Who Doesn’t Have Any Hair!”

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Janet has the best clap-backs so it’s never advisable to grant her the opportunity to retort. Sadly, her husband has never learned this lesson despite being married to her for years.

On one occasion, he complains that he is always ready before anyone else whenever the family has to go out. He asks Janet why that is the case. Why can’t everyone just shower and dress up quickly like him? Janet fires back by telling him that the difference is all in the hair. He doesn’t have any, that’s why it’s so easy for him.

9 “You Told My Son ‘So Long, Bon Voyage, Arrivederci, Later Loser, Good Riddance, Peace Out?'”

Janet Jay and Michael in My WIfe and Kids

When Junior gets an apartment and moves out of the house, Janet is furious that Michael allowed it to happen. She asks him why he let the young boy move out. Michael tells her it was the right thing to do.

Janet isn’t convinced that their conversation was as simple as that. She believes they had an argument before their son left, which is true. Michael admits that they indeed had an argument and that he chased their son out, accompanied by curse words. As expected, Janet isn’t impressed with Michael’s casual handling of a matter that she considers serious.

8 “Tell ‘Em The Truth, Your Son Knocked You Out!”

Tisha Campbell as Janet "Jay" Kyle

Michael gets a black eye after Junior punches him by accident. He wonders what explanation he is going to give at work, so he asks Janet for any ideas.

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Janet tells him to say the truth. However, Michael feels that this will make him look weak. He gives an alternative suggestion that involves telling his colleagues that Janet punched him. She affirms the idea, saying: “That’s even better, see I had to lay down the law, he didn’t respect his woman. When I say I want my diamonds, I want my diamonds now!”

7 “It’s Funnier When It’s You Instead Of Me, Michael.”

Michael and Jay in My Wife and Kids

Janet begins losing her hair. Overjoyed, Michael declares that karma is in effect. He reminds her how she used to make fun of him, calling him names such as Kojack, Sherman Hemsley, and Mr. Clean. She even told him that he looked like a roll-on deodorant. Definitely the greatest wife of all time.

Michael taunts her, telling her that it’s his turn to make fun of her. Janet argues that it’s not the same because his bald head has a more comical appearance, hence he can’t compare it to his own.

6 “Why Is It Men Take Better Care Of Their Cars Than Their Own Bodies?”

Michael, Junior and Jay in My Wife and Kids

Janet isn’t too pleased with the hygiene standards in the house. She feels that the male members of the family (Michael and Junior) aren’t showering enough. After giving Junior a dressing down, she targets Michael. She asks why he cleans his car more than he cleans his body.

Michael argues that men clean their cars more because they keep putting dipsticks inside them. Since they don’t put dipsticks in their own bodies, there is nothing to really clean. Nice argument, Michael.

5 “Her Answer To Everything Has Always Been Food.”

Janet Jay and Michael in My WIfe and Kids (2002)

Janet comes back from visiting her mother. Michael is quick to ask how his mother-in-law is doing. Janet doesn’t look like she enjoyed the visit, so he asks her what went down.

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Janet complains that her mother made her cook all the time and it wore her out. She claims that her mother’s answer to everything has always been in meals. Michael’s response? She must have had a million questions, hence the need for her mother to order the preparation of numerous meals aka ‘answers’.

4 “Do I Run Around The House Telling Junior That He’s Genetically Predisposed To Looking Like A Brown Egg?”

Michael and Claire in My Wife and Kids

Michael finds his daughter Claire eating junk food as a way to console herself after a nasty breakup with Tony. He isn’t pleased. He tells her to stop it or else she’ll get fat. He argues that people in the family have genes that make them a bit overweight.

Pointing at Janet as an example, he says: “Claire, you gotta watch your sugar intake. You’re already genetically predisposed to being a little thick.” Janet fires back, telling Michael that if she wanted, she could also tell their son Junior that he is destined to look like a brown egg (a reference to Michael’s bald head).

3 “She’s Somewhere Between A Puppy And A Dog, I Don’t Know What You Call It.

Michael and Jay in My Wife and Kids (2001)

After another one of Kady’s antics, Michael approaches Janet and complains that their younger daughter is still acting like a toddler yet she is 7-years-older. Visibly angry, he asks his wife what she thinks about Kady.

Janet agrees, reminiscing how Kady was cute and adorable as a puppy when she was a toddler. She says that Kady is not a puppy anymore but neither is she a dog. She is somewhere in between and she doesn’t even know what that stage is called. Parents of the century? Probably.

2 “I Hope This One Doesn’t Think Apartheid Is A Laundry Detergent.”

Janet Jay Kyle in My WIfe and Kids

Ken has a history of dating the wrong women in the show. Hi relationships always end after just a few days and this is something that the ever-observant Janet has noticed.

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When Janet sees him with a new girlfriend, she isn’t too optimistic. She mocks the innocent lady by suggesting that she might not be bright enough to know what apartheid is. Ken doesn’t take too kindly to the remarks but Janet isn’t one to care. She says what she says, even if it hurts.

1 “Go Point Your View Back At The Television.”

Janet Jay and Michael in My WIfe and Kids (2002)

Michael is watching TV when he overhears Claire telling Janet how she broke up with Tony after she saw him with another woman. It turns out the woman was actually his cousin. Janet advises her to communicate openly with Tony because communication is the secret to lengthy relationships.

“How do you think your father and I have held in there for so long?” she asks Claire. Michael cheekily jumps in the conversation and argues that they’ve stayed together because of unplanned pregnancies, not communication. Janet angrily stamps on his foot. He says he was just giving a male point of view. Janet then tells him that he should get his view back to the TV.

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Updated: November 16, 2020 — 11:00 pm

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